Babies and toddlers usually have a really high self-esteem, while the ‘tweens’ usually don’t. By the onset of adolescence, kids have their lowest self-esteem. And that’s probably because, when kids are young, there are lesser expectations from them. As they grow older, parents, teachers, schools, peers and just about anyone in the world, expect more. A lot of things contribute to low self-esteem in kids. Here are some common reasons.
Too much praise
It’s interesting but too much praise can actually ruin a child’s self-esteem, because they expect praise from everyone and for everything. While ‘Good job’ is ok, when your toddler places his dish in the sink after dinner, it’s not praiseworthy for a 5to6-year-old. He’s grown-up enough to put his stuff away after dinner.
Being negative about yourself
As parents, we all complain about household chores like cleaning, errands and more. We even comment on our weight and looks often. If this happens around kids, then they learn to only value themselves based on looks, weight or the tasks they haven’t completed. So, while complaining is a natural instinct, it’s better to crib when kids are away at school.
Trying to be unnecessarily positive
Remember that kids don’t have to be good at everything. When kids are unable to do something, don’t try to be positive and tell them that they can do it if they try harder. You can never be sure of the result no matter how hard you try. Instead, let them decide what and how they want to do – ‘I understand, this is tough for you. But if you really want to do it, try thinking of where you’re going wrong, and fix it. Maybe the results will be different?’
Comparing themselves with others
Kids sometimes compare themselves with others and feel that they are inadequate. And this need not be in terms of their abilities or feelings alone. It can be something as simple as a toy that he wants because all his friends have it. The trick is to not give in and get his something because his friends have it. But instead, point out what he has that the others don’t. ‘I understand all your friends have a minion. But, we can’t all have the same things! For instance, do your friends have a big robot like you?’ Help them realise that they too have qualities and things independent of their friends and that everyone is different.