Reprimanding children has always been a discussion point in any media. Some people don’t mind spanking their kids, while others are strictly against it. So, is there a line after which reprimand is violence? How do you raise children without traumatizing them, while simultaneously teaching them to be responsible for their actions?
Well, here are some ways to correct a child without actually losing your cool!
Explaining the consequences
This method is the most appropriate at any age. For example, a 3-year-old child wants to wear ski pants on a summer day. You can explain why you think that shorts are more suitable for walking, but are not trying to influence the decision, but give him the opportunity to see from his own experience that if he dresses like that, he will be hot.
What is understood from one’s own experience is remembered for a long time? When using this method, it is very important for parents not to fall into the ‘I told you so!’ trap.
Highlighting the inconvenience
Often, instead of a comment (when a parent pays attention to something), there are reproaches and criticism (‘You always have a mess!’). It is important that this is not a reproach, but an excuse to look for a solution to the problem.
For example: ‘I get upset and angry when I step on the parts of the construction set, which are scattered on the floor throughout the apartment. Let’s think together about what we can do about it.’
Timeout
This is when you ask the child to go to a separate room and be alone for a while. This allows you to temporarily increase the distance between an adult and a child and “cool down” and regulate your emotions.
It is believed that a child alone is not traumatized by a time interval in minutes similar to his age. For example, for a 3-year-old child, this is 3 minutes, for a 4-year-old child, four, etc. The room where you take the child to “cool down” should be bright, with a window. Not a closet, toilet, or darkroom.
Ignoring bad behaviour
A good method, but difficult to execute – it is usually difficult for adults to maintain their composure and not respond to negative manifestations in a child’s behaviour.
Depriving the child
This is when, for breaking the rules, the child is deprived of something important and desirable for himself. For example, a ban on watching cartoons or playing on the computer. While using this method, it is important that the child is aware of what exactly he is deprived of in case of non-observance of the rules. You cannot simply deprive a child of watching cartoons if he “behaved badly” today. You must agree on this initially. Children often behave badly, not because they are villains, but because they have forgotten.
This is a translated extract from Larisa Milova’s original article in www.findmykids.org. She is a family psychologist and you can read the full original version here.