Fear is something we all feel at various stages of our life. An infant feels anxious when he meets someone for the first time. Little children fear monsters under their bed or in their closet. Older children worry about school bullies or bad guys. Fear, as we know is a natural, powerful human emotion. Interestingly, fear is also an emotion that works to keep us safe – fear triggers our natural instinct to prevent anything unforeseen. But as a parent, how can we help a child who is afraid?
-For babies, hold on to them while introducing them to any new person. This helps them explore new faces while still in their comfort zone. Let them see that you are talking or playing with the person. Soon, they pick up cues and when they are ready, they will themselves want to play or move into the arms of the new person. And this is when you let go. And letting go is important for them to be brave on their own.
-When children worry about monsters under their bed, help them to face and deal with their fear. Speak to them about the monsters. Why are they worried about them? The monsters could be good monsters who want to be friends for instance? Just because they look different, they are not ugly or fearsome. Fear is triggered by imagination and vision. If you generalize ‘looking different’ rather than ‘looking fearsome’, it can work well. If this doesn’t work, try looking for the monsters with them when they are afraid.
-It’s important to establish the cause of fear. Is it darkness or is it their imagination. IF it’s just imagination the above tips may work. It is important to talk to your child about their fear and face it. Why do they fear darkness? Is it because they can’t see clearly? Do they have nightmares? Would a tiny night light help to keep them safe? Or a toy perhaps? Even Calvin had Hobbs to protect him!
-For older children who worry about real-life situations like, bullies, bad guys, test reports. Help them prepare for such situations. Will joining a martial arts club help them feel safer? Will studying harder and early on, help them feel confident before a test? Speak to them and help them come up with their own solution for the problem. Telling them that something will help break their fear, will not fix their fear. And there is no one solution that fits all. And a particular solution may not work all the time. But a change in attitude does.
After all, we too subscribe to insurance policies to feel safer in an unforeseen circumstance. Does it still kill our fear? Try dealing with a situation, and that situation will possibly never hold fear again.