It’s not easy to take a step back from ‘parenting’ and think about what a child expects from you. Now, am not talking about how your son always wants to play video games or hang out online and you mostly have a ‘have you finished your HW? (or something else)’ up your sleeve. What does he really expect from you? Are you living up to his expectations? Should you live up to his expectations? Well, it’s a thin line.
We all have expectations and so do the little ones. For instance, my 8-year-old told me not to share his videos and photos with anyone! I used to share short videos or photos of him on my friends and family groups, believe me, not even social media. And when I asked him why, he said he just did not like it. Well, so I stopped – not recording the videos, but sending them. Am not sure this was the right thing to do, but if it made him happy and secure, I didn’t mind.
He wants to be sure that his parents love him the most. When I pick up other kids, or play with them, my son never comments. But when we are home, he asks me whether I loved him more than the other child. He always needs that reassurance. So find out what your child needs to be reassured of your love and follow cue. It could just be a hug or a kiss, but if it works, go for it.
He wants to feel proud of his parent/s. “My mummy is…or does this…” Kids like to ‘show off’ a bit. And my son loves my cooking. Wherever he goes for dinner, he says, “Mommy can make it yummier!” Although it’s not always true, I go with the flow. I bake cakes for his birthday or cook when his friends are home. Now, here I am able to live up to his expectations, so I do. But if he were to ask me to buy him a yacht, I know I cannot afford it and will tell him that I can’t do it. Figure out what your child loves about you and keep up his pride.
He doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of his friends. Now, this is very difficult as the friends of your child will also be kids – kids who are your guests! But you really need to choose when you need to put your foot down when they are around. You can let them have an extra hour of gaming. But don’t be afraid that that will tag you a ‘tough mom’ when you tell them off for pouring juice all over your living room, just coz its colourful and exciting!
He doesn’t want to be lied to. Let’s assume he asks about what you and daddy were discussing. Just tell him there’s nothing to worry and that you’re dealing with some complicated stuff which you cannot tell him as he is still a child. But if you lie or avoid the discussion altogether, you get two things wrong. One, he will never trust you all the time, he might even end up not trusting others in the future. Two, he will learn to avoid difficult and complicated discussions and not face them up front.
There’s no one right answer to parenting and these are just one parent’s tips. If you have anything more interesting to add, feel free to mail us editor@littlepanda.cz.