Parents often hesitate to apologize to their kids because they feel that saying sorry would weaken them in front of their kids. Should parents apologise? When should parents apologise and in what circumstances?
Most parents are managing a trillion different things, especially moms and it’s rare that a parent never loses their cool with kids. After all, we’re all human.
Let’s look at a situation: I asked my child to finish his homework before playing video games. I was already having a busy day at work, and at home. There was a leak in the kitchen sink, I had to prep for an important presentation the next day. Dinners, packed lunches, school pickups and football had already drained me out by 4:00 pm. I came out of my office at 6 pm and saw him with his tablet, school bag on the couch, socks thrown on the rug, sipping a fizzy drink without asking. “Did you do your Homework?” “Not yet.” And then I lost it, I yelled at him that he was such a bad boy, never doing his share of things at home and how much I had to go after him to get him to do his own stuff.
Now, videogame before homework is a valid reason to be upset. But yelling, was not justified. I could have discussed it with him. Given him some time out, made him clean up his room as a punishment. So, “ I’m sorry for yelling at you for playing videogames.” – Wrong. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I will never do it again.” – Wrong again! Instead, I waited an hour to calm myself. I let him cool off and sort his tears as well. After dinner just before bedtime, during reading, I said, “Mommy had a very hard day today. Lots to do and lots more left. I had to cook, clean, work a bit, pick you up, and am still not done with my presentation for tomorrow. So, when you didn’t do your HW, before playing videogames, I got worried that you’d not have enough time to finish it later. And I wouldn’t have time either to help you with it. And so I yelled in frustration. I know you were very hurt. I am really sorry about it. I’ll try, not to do that ever again.”
Now, kids are intelligent and have a good sense of understanding even at three years of age. So, usually they do understand. I got an “It’s ok mommy, I understand.” And we both went to ben in peace.
-By saying why it happened, and by saying sorry, you’re acknowledging that you made a mistake and you strengthen your bond with your child.
-By apologizing, your child knows how to offer a heartfelt apology.
-When parents don’t offer apologies for mistakes, kids don’t, feel the need to apologise as well. And this can make their life difficult as adults.
-Your apology can be an example that they can follow.
-By acknowledging their feelings, they know that they can trust you.