While it’s really easy to talk to your child, speaking to your teenager is really not a piece of cake. Teens are not yet matured and may have confusing personalities during their transformative years. So, how do we talk to them? Or better still, how do we get them to talk?
Here are some tips and conversation starters:
Let them come to you
Never ask a teenager to talk to you. Instead wait for them to start talking or want to feel like sharing. And yes, they won’t say directly that they want to talk. They will drop subtle hints about what happening to their friends or in their environment in a non-controversial topic. This is your cue to tune in.
Do not judge
When teens say something about their lives, friends or more, never judge. Even if you have an opinion on something, never react or give it out directly. This will make them retreat and perhaps close down the conversation. Never give an opinion until they ask you for it, and even then, lead them to make the right decision. Teens usually prefer to be called ‘adults’ and want to make their own decisions. They go through a lot with peer pressure, body changes and more. The least we can do as parents is understand.
Pay attention
Now, as parents we are eager to pay attention to every detail our children tell us. But while dealing with a teenager, remember to look away and appear less eager to know more. Learn to read between the lines and encourage them to share more. For instance, if your child says ‘Bill’s having a tough time with the Math teacher’ – Don’t comment on Bill’s situation. Instead, say I know you’re usually good with Math and are quite helpful. Are you not supporting your friend? At this time, your teen will tell you why he’s not supporting Bill or why he fears supporting him – peer pressure, falling behind himself or anything else.
It’s important to give some space to teens while keeping an eye on them at the same time. Here are some questions or conversation starters that will help you converse well with your teenager.
Questions:
How does it feel to be in a new school?
Do you like school?
How many friends do you think are important for a teenager?
What’s your opinion on the dressing trends today?
What do teenagers worry about the most?
What do you think about people who talk a lot?
What do you think is the difference between teenagers and adults?
What makes you feel better after a bad day?
Have you ever felt lonely? What do you do then?
Who among your friends has the coolest parent and why?
What’s the one thing you want to change about your life?